You know the feeling. You’re expecting something great to happen, and it doesn’t. Or it does happen, but it’s not what you wanted. Your hopes are dashed. Your plans are ruined. You’re bummed out, sad, disappointed.
Well, join the club. You’re not alone. Disappointment happens to everyone. And no matter how carefully you manage your life, no matter how hard you try to protect yourself from it, disappointment will happen to you. It’s inevitable.
Since you can't avoid disappointment, you can let it get you down, or you can get past it. How you get past it will determine if it just gets you down for a while — or seriously interferes with your well-being.
You have at least three ways to deal with a disappointment.
1. You can dwell on it and let it eat at you.
2. You can deny it, pretending it doesn’t bother you.
3. You can accept it, experience the sadness, anger, and whatever feelings it brings up, then shrug your shoulders, say "That's life," and move on.
In the first case, you replay events in your mind, trying to figure out what went wrong. Or you get angry with people who didn’t deliver what they promised. Either way, you're giving the disappointment power over you. You’re making yourself a victim.
In the second case, you tell yourself it's not really a loss, or it’s not that important, or you don’t care that much. These are all just ways of lying to yourself. If you refuse to tell the truth and deal with a disappointment, it can linger in your subconscious and later show up in unhealthy ways. It makes you a different kind of victim, but a victim nevertheless.
In the third case, you're experiencing your emotions, even though they’re sad. You’re admitting that the disappointment isn’t the end of the world, and so you get on with your life. This is the action of a victor, not a victim.
I’ve heard many talks by Terry Cole-Whittaker, the New Age motivational speaker and author. In one of her presentations, she said, "There really are no victims; only volunteers." How true that is!
Victims claim that other people are the source of their suffering. On the surface, it might appear that way. But notice that in all three alternatives above, the action you take is voluntary. In #1 and #2, you volunteer to suffer, to lose. In #3, you volunteer to win.
What’s the lesson we can learn from this? I suggest that when you experience a disappointment, take a moment and review your three options. In a few seconds, you’ll realize the best choice is to leave the disappointment behind. And you should. After all, you’ve got way better things to do.
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